I Miss Her So Much
by Moonbeam-987
Summary: Derek has lost his one and only love. He relives the night he lost her, and tries to come to terms with it. ONESHOT: Rated T for violence. Read and Review! *Nothing to do with my other oneshot Never Whole*


**Here is my second Dasey oneshot! I think that this is better than my other oneshot _Never Whole_:) This idea popped in my head while I was working on my Dasey story, and it wouldn't go with the story, so I made it a oneshot. I hope you like it.**

**Italized=Derek's memories.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own LWD. Hoping one day that I will own Michael Seater;)**

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"DER-EK!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. I smirked. She must have just found my latest prank. She came running into the living room, her face red with anger.

"DER-EK! I can't believe you did this to me! It's going to take me FOREVER to wash this out of my hair!" she yelled pointing to her hair. It was sticking up in all directions, stiff as a board. My smirk grew more pronounced.

"What are you talking about?" I asked trying to look all innocent.

"I'm talking about me waking up with honey spilled all over my head and my pillow!"

"I have no recollection of that…" I said looking all confused; even though I know it was me, "and why do you think it was me?"

"Who else would it be? You have made my life a living hell and I am sick of it! I hate having you as a roommate! I hate you!" she screamed; tears welling up in her eyes, as she ran to her room.

Wow, I've never made her cry. I definitely have never made her so mad that she has said _those_ words. My breath caught in my throat when the words finally set in my mind._ I hate you._ Does she really hate me? Tears started to well up in my eyes and I mentally slapped myself. _Hold yourself together Derek. You can't let this happen, not again._ I got up out of my chair and walked down the hallway. I walked into the bathroom and made sure all signs of my tears were gone. Looking into the mirror it felt like I was looking at the_ old Derek._ _I can't go back to him_. I walked up to her door and knocked on it, preparing myself to look into those big, blue orbs that haunt me a night. She opened the door, her eyes puffy and red, and her hair still sticking up.

"W-w-what do you want D-Derek?" She cried trying to recompose herself.

"I just wanted to say I'm… sorry." I said looking at my hands, not making eye contact.

"Wait. You what?" she asked, her tears completely gone.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm a terrible roommate, and I really didn't realize it until you said you hated me." I said still not making eye contact.

"I'm sorry about that… I really don't hate you." She said her cheeks blushing and I couldn't help to smile, remembering the last time I saw a blush like that.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes really," she laughed, "Do you mind if we… hug?" she asked bushing even redder.

"Uh… as long as you never tell anyone about this." I said caving. How could I say no to_ her?_

She reached her arms around my neck and I wrapped my arms around her waist slowly. Oh how I have missed this. This is how it felt when I hugged _her _the night before_ she _was taken away from me. I miss _her_ so much, and standing here hugging her made my eyes start to water. _I miss her so much._ She pulled away and looked at me.

"Why are you crying Derek?"

"W-what? I'm not crying." I said as I let go of her and turned to walked into my room.

"Derek! What's wrong?" she banged on my door.

"Nothing is wrong, just leave me alone!" I yelled back.

She didn't reply and I heard the sound of her door shutting. I got up off my bed and moved over to my desk. I sat in the chair and turned on the computer waiting patiently for it to come on. After it was all booted up I moved the curser to the file labeled _Before October 23, 2007._ Pictures popped up and I smiled. They were pictures of me and _her._ She is breathtakingly beautiful and I can help but to feel my heart breaking as I realized she is no longer here. She was still around every once in a while, but then she was gone just as fast as she came. I hate living my life like this; holding on to someone I can't hold on to anymore. _Ugh. _I heard the water of the shower start to run._ Should I go help her get the honey out of her hair? Nah, she's a big girl._

I stopped on the picture that was taken just moments before my beautiful angel was taken away from me. She was wearing a dark-blue t-shirt, a pair of light-wash blue jeans, and her favorite grey Converse. Her hair was loose, in long brown curls that hung down her back, and her big, blue eyes sparkled with happiness. I was with her in a grey t-shirt and dark-wash jeans, black Converse, and my hair in its usual disarray. She was sitting in my lap as we sat on a picnic blanket.

We went together like a puzzle, even though we were total opposites. The first two years that we knew each other we hated each other, but after I sort of let it slipped that I had loved her since the day we met, we were inseparable. We never went anywhere without the other. People said that we were attached at the hip, and in reality, we really were. She was my everything, and I took her for granted, thinking we would never be separated. I didn't expect the day that she was taken away from me. I remember the day so vividly; it plagues my dreams every night.

_It was our senior year of high school; Saturday, October 23, 2007 to be exact. We had been dating for a year and nine months; it was the happiest year and nine months of my life. She was standing in the living room waiting on me to get ready. We were going to meet Sam and his girlfriend Abigail at the park. They had been dating for a couple of months, and we were going on a double picnic date._

"_Derek! Hurry up we're going to be late!" she yelled at me from downstairs._

"_I'm coming, I'm coming," I said as I walked down the stairs. I walked up to her and kissed her quickly on her lips. "I don't think that we have a specific time to meet Sam and Abbi at the park."_

"_We do. I told them to meet us a one-forty-five and it is now," she paused looking up at the clock on the wall, "one-forty! We only have five minutes!"_

_She grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door. The park was only a few blocks away from my house so we decided to walk, but sense we were late, she decided that we should race to the park. Even though she wasn't really that athletic, boy could she run. I had to actually run to keep up with her. In the end she was the one who made it to the park first._

"_I beat you!" she giggled._

"_I didn't have the appropriate running shoes on!" I said in my defense, trying to catch my breath._

"_I have on the same brand of shoes and I still beat you! Just admit it; I am better than you at something."_

"_Never" I said as I picked her up and slung her over my shoulder._

"_Der-ek! Put me down!" she yelled as she pounded her little fists on my back. I laughed at her small attempt._

_I spotted Sam and Abbi sitting on a blanket, and started walking over to it. I sat her down on the blanket and sat down beside her. She sat there and pouted until I said that she beat me; then a big smile spread across her face. I leaned down and kissed her and she kissed back, when we parted her face was flushed._

"_Get a room!" Sam exclaimed and Abbi giggled._

"_Oh shut up Sam! You just wish you were in my position." I said laughing._

_The Sam grabbed Abbi by the waist and pulled her into a kiss. They kissed, and kissed, and kissed…_

"_Ok! I get it! Just stop eating Abbi's face!" I said as I leaned over and pulled them apart._

_We all sat there and laughed at what just happened. We ate the food that Abbi made, which was amazing, and just caught up. Sure we hung out with each other every day, but we never had time to just sit down and talk. Soon the sun started making its way down to meet the horizon and we decided it was time to go. We all said goodbye and went our separate ways. I was going to walk her back home, so we started walking. It was a nice crisp October night, and her hand was perfectly placed in mine. Nothing could go wrong; _oh how wrong I was_._

_As we go up to the house we saw that her dad's car was parked in the drive way. Her step-dad, mom, and younger siblings went out for the night, and her dad was sitting on the porch. 'What is he doing here?'_

"_Dad, what are you doing here?" she asked looking totally confused._

"_Well I wanted to s-s-see my baby girl!" he yelled; his words slurring. He grabbed her up in a hug, and she patted him on the back._

"_Dad, have you been drinking?"_

_She had told me that her dad had a drinking problem, that it was the reason her mom left him. He was an abusive alcoholic. He never touched her or her little sister, but he would beat their mom and verbally abuse my sweet angel. _

"_N-no! How dare you ask me th-that!" he yelled. If he kept it up, then the whole neighborhood will be awakened._

"_Look, why don't we go inside and talk." I suggested._

"_Who the hell are you?" he asked swaying on the spot where he stood. He was definitely drunk._

"_Dad, this is Derek, my boyfriend." She said blushing a little._

"_Oh," he looked at me, "Why are you dating my slut of a daughter?"_

_I looked down at her and she had tears welling up in her eyes. How could he say that about her? She is perfect. My blood started boiling._

"_It's because I love her sir." I said proudly._

"_How can you love a slut? There must be something wrong with you. Either that or she got you to get her pregnant!" he laughed_

"_There is NOTHING wrong with him! He is perfect! And I am not a slut, nor am I pregnant!" she yelled at her father_

"_How dare you speak to me like that!" he yelled and then punched her in the mouth._

_She fell to the ground and curled up into a ball as her father started to kick her and yelling incoherent things at her. I ran at him and tackled him to the ground punching him in the face as hard as I could. Soon he was unconscious and laying limp on the ground. I got up and ran over to her. I picked up her head trying to get a response out of her, when I felt my hand covered in warm liquid. Blood. Her blood covered my hand and I lost it. I sat there and cried, yelling for someone to come and help. Emily came running from next door with her cellphone in hand calling 911, seeing there were two unconscious bodies laying on the ground. When the ambulance came they said that her dad was going to be fine, but she was in critical condition because when she fell she hit her head on a rock._

_Emily and I drove behind the ambulance to the hospital praying that she was going to be fine. When we got there the doctor said she had stabilized, was awake, and asking for me. As I ran down the hall the doctor said something, but I didn't catch it; I ran to her room wanting to get to her as fast as I could. When I got there she was laying in a hospital bed with her head bandaged up, her lip was busted, and she looked paler than usual. I walked up to her bed and kissed her, but she didn't respond. I pulled back and looked at her confused._

"_Der-ek! What do you think you're doing?"_

"_I'm kissing my girlfriend…" I said totally confused._

"_Your what?"_

Come to find out that what the doctor said that I didn't hear was that Casey had lost some of her memory. She could remember everything up until her sophomore year, a year after her family moved in with me and my family. It took her some time to understand what happened, but she came to terms with it, except the part about me and her. She still had the mindset that she hated me. We tried going out to our favorite places a couple of times trying to jog her memory, but it never worked. Her dad was thrown in prison for abusing her and her family, and it took her a while to except that. Now here I am in college, sharing an apartment with my step-sister that is the love of my life, but doesn't remember it. When she is confronted with questions about are we still together, she denies that we were ever together, blaming it on her memory.

Now all I have of the girl that loved me are these pictures. Every once in a while I see the spark in her big, blue eyes that she had before the accident, but just as fast as it comes, it's gone. She is still the girl I fell in love with, she just doesn't remember falling in love with me, and I am afraid she never will. I am chasing something that I lost a long time ago hoping one day her memory comes back. _I miss her so much._

"Hey Derek, do you want to go to the diner and get something to eat?" came her soft voice from the other side of my door.

"Sure Case. I'll be out in two seconds"

"Hurry!" then I heard her retreating footsteps.

I closed out the picture of me and _my Casey_ and got up. I picked up my leather jacket and walked out of the room to have dinner with the love of my life.

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**Ta-da! It is so sad, but I am in love with it. I absolutely love the last sentence! It chokes me up, and I'm the one who wrote it! Please review and tell me how you like it:)**


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